So I saw this advert and thought it didn’t do the product justice at all.
I thought I’d start by removing the technical jargon. No one buys a 1.6 GHz processor. They buy speed, and convenience. I left out mentioning the 128GB SSD because customers would have seen laptops with 500GB hard drives and may disregard the Vaio due to it having less capacity. When they enquire they will be told how an SSD is blazingly fast and this may sway their opinion rather than encouraging a snap judgement.
I toyed with the idea of making the tagline ‘that’s what makes it a Vaio’ but realised that ‘Sony Vaio’ is probably a copyright term which must be used in a certain manner.
I focused on making the core message simpler, and humanising it so it described benefits customers would value.
Before and after: